


i love you, too

by pastelpetals



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Light Angst, like you gotta squint and tilt your head if you wanna see it, mentions of depression, real world AU, really really light natsuyuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24601093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelpetals/pseuds/pastelpetals
Summary: “But Monika, despite everything, always had an inkling of the truth. And for some reason, she chose to stay.”— in which the girls are graduating, Sayori is scared to watch them go, and Monika is concerned
Relationships: Monika/Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	i love you, too

Sayori knew what graduation meant.

It meant no more school lunches on the roof; no more study sessions where they laughed more than reviewed; no more weekend outings downtown; no more overnight stays when get-togethers lasted far too late; and no more literature club after school.

No more time with the others. Or with Monika. 

Her heart ached at the thought. She cursed herself for letting her mind drift so, for the tears that sprung to her eyes because they were currently watching a horror comedy and there was no reason for her to cry. The last thing she wanted to do was to worry the others.

Yuri had picked the film tonight, as it had been her turn in their movie rotation. Because they all knew how terribly Natsuki handled the more unsettling flicks, she had chosen a compromise, one that seemed to work remarkably well, if Natsuki’s guffaws and Yuri’s giggles were any indication.

Sayori was currently seated with her head against Monika’s bare shoulder, the latter having opted to wear a sundress to combat the day’s heat. Even now, as the moon glowed beneath diaphanous clouds, the air remained humid and heavy. It left Sayori feeling sluggish, and aside from the few times she readjusted her head, wincing at the sensation of her cheek peeling from Monika’s skin, she’d hardly moved since they settled.

A traitor droplet rolled past her cheekbone. With a start, emerald eyes met cerulean, concern swimming in their depths. Sayori felt a practiced smile tug instinctively into place. Shaking her head, she merely tucked herself closer to Monika.

“I’m okay,” she assured, though Monika more likely felt the words than heard them. It was at that moment Natsuki declared a bathroom break and shouted from the hallway to pause the movie. Sighing fondly, Yuri complied before retreating to the kitchen to refill the snack platter. Meanwhile, Sayori found herself tugged upwards and outside with a firm grip. She glanced at Monika’s unreadable expression as she called for the other two to continue the movie without them, that they’d be a minute.

Now outside proper, Sayori couldn’t help but admire the vast, sprawling property. It was no secret that the most popular girl in school also happened to be the wealthiest, though unlike her fellow socialites, she was a very private person. Naturally, rumors and competitions arose, with many students vying for a personal invitation from Monika herself, who was always polite but quick to shut down their advances.

Sometimes she still wondered what Monika saw in her, to allow her this privilege. Natsuki was brash but confident, not to mention amazingly talented in the kitchen. Her zeal was like a breath of fresh air after a long day. And Yuri might have been soft-spoken but she was articulate all the same; she was akin to a blanket, gentle and comforting with her presence.

On the other hand, Sayori herself was...

_ A pity_, the rainclouds thundered.  _Because you’re so pathetic that even your childhood friend left you behind._

Sayori made a conscious effort to ignore the inevitable sting that usually accompanied these kinds of thoughts, instead focusing her efforts on relaxing her smile. Any harder, and she would have felt cracks forming. She was not ready to have that conversation just yet.

Monika seemed to sense this. “Lovely night, isn’t it?” she began casually. She still had not let go of Sayori’s hand, and when the other girl made to pull away, she only tightened her hold, entwining their fingers in the process.

Sayori’s grin faltered for a brief second, her hopes for a quick escape dashed. Left to fumble for a response, she finally settled for a weak “oh, absolutely!” that promptly curdled her mouth. She wondered if somehow her rainclouds could manifest and have lightning strike her where she stood.

An awkward, agonizing silence settled over the two, consisting of Sayori avoiding eye contact and Monika attempting to engage it. A game of cat and mouse, Sayori could feel herself gradually cornered as the intensity grew. It all ended when Monika tilted her head and caught her in a gaze so fierce that she could only gasp.

“M-Monika,” she breathed nervously, only to immediately clamp her free hand over her mouth. She really needed to check her filter one of these days.

“Sayori,” the other girl reparteed pleasantly. “How can I help you?”

“Oh, um, well—“ Sayori hesitated. “I-If I could have my hand back, that’d be a start,” she laughed anxiously, her words a bit muffled.

“Hmm.” Monika closed her eyes and seemedto consider the request before beaming and shaking her head. “No can do! Not until there’s a fair trade.”

“A fair trade?”

“Yep!” Monika chirped, maybe a touch too cheerily.

Sayori was afraid to ask but she did so anyway. “Like what?”

At this, Monika’s expression softened into something more genuine. Her other hand came to rest on the side of Sayori’s neck, where she surely felt her pulse thrumming. Her fingers were just shy of cradling Sayori’s cheek, causing the shorter girl to nearly squeak in surprise. If that didn’t give anything away, she was sure the full-fledged blush exploding across her cheeks would be an answer.

“A penny for your thoughts,” Monika murmured. “I know something’s upsetting you, Sayori, and I want to help.”

Sayori seemed to crumple into herself. She never fared well against sincerity; she didn’t like how it stripped her bare of any and all obfuscations, how it prodded old wounds she was desperate to conceal, and so her response had normally been to deflect and divert. An airheaded but nice-enough girl, who could be slightly hard of hearing at times, who could easily dismiss things with a well-placed grin. Her smile was all she had. 

(It pained her how she had weaponized such a concept, transformed it into the only thing that was of worth and use.)

But Monika, despite everything, always had an inkling of the truth. And for some reason, she chose to stay.

With a shaky breath and Monika’s grasp to tether her, Sayori allowed her shoulders to droop, her eyes stinging. 

“W-We’re going to be graduating,” she stuttered tentatively, her voice wet. “We’re all going to different colleges, and,” her breath caught, “a-and we’re going to be far from each other. We’re going to be so busy, too busy to talk, and we’re g-going to drift _apart_ —“

Monika’s warm palms cupped the girl’s flushed cheeks, and it was the contact that allowed her to truly feel how Sayori was trembling. Something in her clenched as she gathered the other girl into her arms, tucking the shorter girl’s head beneath her chin and placing a steady hand between the other’s shoulder blades.

“That’s not going to happen,” Monika consoled. “Sure, we won’t be able to hang out as much, but Sayori, we’re only a phone call or text away. You can get ahold of me whenever you want, and I won’t be mad, I promise.”

The peach-haired girl released a choked sob, clinging onto Monika for dear life, her fingers curling into the fabric beneath her hands. She mumbled something incoherent into the other girl’s chest.

“My boobs aren’t going to reply, you know,” she admonished gently, an attempt to lighten the mood. “I’m up here.”

Sayori responded with a watery laugh, but when she hesitantly raised her head, Monika could see that her eyes seemed to be far away, lost in the stars that glittered overhead. She brought their foreheads together, causing Sayori’s eyelids to flutter shut at the gesture. Her own followed suit, and all that was left was light breathing and croaking of the cicadas.

“I had always accepted that I would always be alone,” the shorter girl murmured after a moment. “I never knew if it was because of the rainclouds or if it was because I was already too different from everyone else, but even in a crowd, it seemed like it was just me. Just sad, silly Sayori.”

Monika could feel a surge of protectiveness overtake her as she tightened her embrace on the other girl.

“But when I joined the Literature Club, I felt it for the first time,” Sayori continued, meeting Monika’s half-lidded eyes with her own nostalgic gaze. “What it meant to be surrounded by people you love. What it meant to be loved in return. What it meant to be warm and safe and content.”

“And how did that make you feel?” Monika prompted gently. 

Sayori offered a shy, tender smile. “I felt...alive. Like I had something to live for. People who mattered to me, and vice-versa.” With a sigh, she added, “I know the rainclouds aren’t completely gone, but...there’s definitely less of them, y’know? There’s more sunlight nowadays.” 

“You’re doing wonderfully,” Monika said, her own voice thick with emotion. “I’m so, so proud of you.”

“T-Thanks, but—“ Sayori swallowed, hard. Her eyes peered desperately into Monika’s, as if searching for something. “I keep thinking of how I might lose that light once you’re all gone. And I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose  _you_.”

“Oh,  _Sayori_ ,” was all Monika whispered before fervently slotting their lips together. Sayori jolted, her brain shutting down for a split second. 

She was dreaming. She absolutely had to be dreaming. 

As friends, they had always been unapologetically tactile. Cuddling and hand-holding were common and welcomingly so, as was the occasional peck on the cheek, but this was something else entirely. Before Sayori could respond in kind, Monika pulled away abruptly, cheeks flushed and chest heaving. 

“I’m sorry,” she blurted, stepping back. “I...I should’ve asked first, but I wanted to show— That is, I-I wanted to say—“

Sayori all but launched herself forward, eyes squeezed shut and lips dramatically pursed. Her effort was commendable, but when she heard a giggle, she realized that her intended kiss had landed somewhere above Monika’s collarbone. If anything, it was her turn to feel the other’s increased heart rate. Embarrassed, she quickly scrambled away, cursing her height, only to have fingertips take ahold of her chin and gently guide her into a proper kiss. 

This was the one that she’d hold close to her heart for all the years to come. Fireworks didn’t appear and time didn’t stop, but something did change, slowly unfurling around them like a flower in bloom. It was a silent affair, pieces falling into place, a mellow hum that came with the humid summers. In that moment, Sayori had a quiet epiphany: the rainclouds were gone, at least for now. All that remained was Monika, radiant and warm in the aftermath. 

She didn’t realize her cheeks were damp until tears were carefully thumbed away. Monika’s own eyes were brimming, glowing. Sayori was sorely tempted to kiss her again.

“You’re never going to lose me.” Monika leaned in to brush against her lips, the gesture tender. “And even if you did, I would always, always find my way back to you.”

Perhaps it was too early to talk of love and forever, but, Sayori thought, this feeling was close enough.

* * *

“Where  were you guys?” Natsuki demanded as soon as they returned. Arms akimbo, she fixed them with an unimpressed stare. “We finished the movie like twenty minutes ago!”

“Sorry, sorry!” Monika laughed good-naturedly. “We kind of lost track of time!”

Sayori said nothing, opting to hide herself behind Monika. The telltale blush across her face and their intertwined hands caused Yuri to smile knowingly. She caught Sayori’s eye, which prompted the girl to “eep” softly and flush even brighter.

Natsuki, meanwhile, had not quite caught on. “About what, exactly?” she huffed. “What did you both talk about that would take almost an _entire hour_ ?”

“Now, Natsuki,” Yuri chided, stifling a chuckle. “The contents of their conversation is privy to them. You shouldn’t pry if it’s personal.”

Natsuki rolled her eyes. “Okay, yeah, whatever. As long as you both made it back, I guess.”

With that, she flopped back onto a beanbag and fished for the remote with hopes of popping in another movie. Sighing, Yuri plucked it from her hand, citing the late hour. While the two of them bantered playfully, Monika seized the opportunity to plant a kiss to Sayori’s forehead.

“I’ll drive up every weekend,” she mumbled into her girlfriend’s hair. “I’ll visit you every chance I get.”

Sayori exhaled contentedly, leaning into the touch. “You’re sleepy, Moni. We can talk about it when you’re more awake.”

“Mmkay, love you,” Monika sighed, settling comfortably onto the floor with an arm around Sayori’s waist and another across her stomach. The skirt of her sundress inadvertently hitched up when she tangled their legs together, and a reddening Sayori thought that if this was how she perished, held so sweetly and affectionately in the arms of another, it wouldn’t be the worst way to go.

Yuri and Natsuki eventually decided on a short romance to wind down the night, with the latter running to dim the lights. Sayori knew she would have to wake Monika sooner or later, but as she leaned against the foot of the couch and directed Monika’s head to her shoulder, she reconsidered her earlier thought. 

Perhaps it was the right time to think of love and where it would take them.

**Author's Note:**

> take this away from me
> 
> i started this piece last year and didn’t find the motivation to finish this until last night, where i proceeded to stay up until 4am. it’s probably why i can never wake up in time to buy turnips from daisy mae. it’s also why this piece is unbeta’d and the characters are probably ooc lmao (im sorry)
> 
> but yeah some good old sayonika to start off your day/night/evening/ungodly-hours.
> 
> thank you for reading!!


End file.
